BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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