dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I pour the whiskey from now on
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
