So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
