Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
