Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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