he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
