I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
