I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
