PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
They are going to name an STD after you.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
