I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
