walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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