Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
