I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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