the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
