3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
