the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
