oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
