my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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