video games are the ultimate cock blocker
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
