dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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