went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
