dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
