just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
