Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
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