I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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