so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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