Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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