I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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