Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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