Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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