i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
