There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
