oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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