I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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