I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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