Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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