When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
