It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
