between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
