now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I have demons in me.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
