I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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