I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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