well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
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