Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
