I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
