Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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