Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
