She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
