He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Rumble strips road head = magical
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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