I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
