so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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